I already know what you are thinking. You hate TSA. I hear it all the time. I am amused every time I go through the security check point. Sometimes it is the workers who make me silently giggle. They know they can ruin your day so they play games. Most often though, it is my fellow travelers who make me laugh. If you have never flown I have sympathy for you. You have to take your shoes off and open up your bags. There are a group of strangers that are going to rummage through your things and they may even have to pat you down. If you have flown then I, as a fellow traveler, need you to get it together!!! You already know that everyone has to go through and you can make it easier on yourself. It can be so seamless, but most often I can find at least one person in line with me acting crazy because they aren’t going to be able to bring a gallon of milk through the checkpoint!
Here is where I save your life… your travel life. Its so simple but EVERY single time I fly I witness all of this. Listen closely because if I catch you breaking this code my wrath of ridicule will be unstoppable!!!
1. Those Boots were not made for flying. YOU WILL HAVE TO TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF! The only people who don’t have to remove their shoes are children under 12. With that said, please stop wearing boots that lace up to your belly button or gladiator sandals with 900 buckles. They took you forever to put on at home so why in all of tarnation would you think it wouldn’t take twice as long in a TSA line? Pick something easy, some ballet flats or loafers, flip flops or TOMs. Slip on, Slip off!
2. How much shampoo do you need for a two day trip? I am only going to say this once. You cannot take more than a three ounce container of any given gel or liquid. PERIOD. Stop bringing those humongous containers of vaseline to the line. You made your own hair products? Make a smaller container because they will throw that whole jar of avocado-shea-egg protein hair elixir away! Travel size bottles are available everywhere. Got it? Good.
3. One other things while I am on toiletries. You have to put your toiletries in a bin to be examined. Yes I have forgotten to pull them out and gone through no problem, but I have also been in line behind someone with a crammed full suitcase who decided to pack their toiletries at the bottom and now we must all wait while they dig and dig, getting mad at TSA for enforcing the laws set forth by their employer aka the government. Just put your one ounce bag on top so we can keep this line moving!!!
4. The TSA line is a waiting game. I understand running late. I am known to run late from time to time. I also know when I don’t plan to be early I may have to wait in line, especially the TSA line. If you don’t mind being in line this isn’t for you. However if you are the “foot tapping, huffy breath waiter who is so impatient you can not respect the personal space of others” waiter I need to tell you something. If your flight is at 1:30 p.m. there are at least 100 other people getting in the same TSA line for that same flight. If you hate being in line you need to come early so you can breeze through and enjoy a Starbucks at your gate. All too often I encounter fellow travelers who are belligerent and obnoxious because they figured 20 minutes would be enough time to get their ticket, go through security and walk to their plane. Let’s be a bit more realistic and give your self at least an hour.
The truth is TSA can sometimes be my biggest source of airport amusement. I just want everyone to have a good time on vacation and If you play around at TSA you can end up in a room with handcuffs on, added to a no fly list. Sometimes you just have to respect the process, whether it makes sense to you or not. I of course want to give you a link to all the rules and regs of TSA. Maybe you are familiar, maybe not. Either way see you in line