It has been an incredible year. The time elapsed at hyper speed and on 12/13/14, our village celebrated Palmer’s first birthday. In a lot of ways the time spent with family and friends was the perfect representation of the love and support Frenchie and I have received and the joy Palmer has brought to our corner of the world. I wanted to share the images that were captured, but also I wanted to take time to say thank you to my little guy. I am so grateful for the chance to be his mother, to teach him the power of his own mind, to show him what love looks like, but I have had my own lessons in this first year. Being his mother has opened up a part of my own heart that was filled with anxiety and resentment. I have always had a love for life and for my family and friends but like Osho said motherhood has made me new….
Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself. I, like anyone else have been hurt. I have experienced let downs, misunderstandings, pain. For a very long time I carried anger and resentment because of it. I couldn’t understand another person’s motives, they disappointed me and I held on to that, not realizing that it was poisoning me. Before marrying Frenchie, I was forced to take a long look at those feelings and forgive that person, my own father. When Palmer was born am additional light came on for me. Without making excuses for him, I realized how utterly overwhelming the task of parenting is. He had given what he had available. My own attachment to what he should have or could have done was not serving anyone’s growth or happiness. I am not perfect and even if I make all the best decisions for Palmer, there will still be mistakes. And in the same way I hope P will love me anyway, I decided to love my dad. I mean I always loved him, but I was angry. Realizing that and forgiving him has made more room for love. And I (you) can always use more love.
Speak Life into your situation. This year has been filled with ups and downs. I love being Palmer’s mother but it comes with it’s own tests of will and endurance. From Palmer’s NICU stint to our current bedtime battles, my pervading mode of operation is to remain positive. It is all temporary. I will deal with the portions I control and remain grateful regardless of the outcome. On those first days when P was hooked to so many monitors and they were giving us more bad news than we could handle, I received my first lesson on the power of my own positivity. I surrounded myself with people who would speak love and life into our situation and in every moment I could, I passed that on to him. During a breast feeding session in the NICU a nurse heard me singing a song to P and said, “What are you singing?” I explained that I was only uttering one word: Breathe. That’s all I needed him to do so he could come home. And he was listening. He was released only a few days later, even though we had been told he would remain for weeks. I try now to always speak love and life into him, especially in tough, sleepless moments, when I want to pull out my hair and run screaming down the street!
If you ever encouraged me, sent kind thoughts, prayers or love in our direction, I thank you. Our ENTIRE village is amazing and they have made our first year as a family really incredible. I am so grateful that Palmer is loved by so many. One day I hope Palmer is googling himself on the internet and he finds this post, so this last part is for him:
I love you Buddy. I thank you for bringing out the best parts of me. You have created joy for everyone around you and for that I am so grateful. Your Papa and I are so proud of you. You bring so much happiness to our days. I hope you always know and feel the love that surrounds you now.
Please enjoy the pictures from his birthday celebration! Many thanks to Uncle Jeff of JMark Photos for these images!!! Thank you to Tiffany at Sweet Slices for the beautiful and delicious cake and cupcakes. And Many thank yous to Jasiatic with Eat Your Bliss for the delicious vegan foods!Pin It