Infectiously Happy

Raising Boys is Gross.


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In a few weeks, I will welcome a second son. And to answer ahead of time, it’s unlikely I will “try for a girl”. I wasn’t disappointed.  I am all about everything happening exactly as it should. I am supposed to be mothering two sons. In my short time in this role, I have come to the understanding that the raising of sons is gross but more like disgusting and it has nothing to do with my actual children. I am a woman, raised by another woman so I know the truth of what we face in the expectations and limitations of how we are socialized. I have though, come to a whole new understanding of what it means to try and raise boys to men in a society so consumed with outdated ideas of what makes a man…

Men shouldn’t cry. Do you know how much it kills me to hear parents say to their sons, “stop crying, you’re being a baby?!” So everyone, even grown men, have tear ducts meaning everyone is designed to cry. It’s actually scientifically proven to be a stress reducing and cleansing operation both physically and mentally.  Somewhere along the way it was invented that crying is a lesser emotion so as a man it shouldn’t be done. I call malarkey. I actually make space for it. Palmer you are crying? Let’s talk about why. Come to me so you can be comforted. Let’s actually use this moment to learn more about you. How in the hell is it helpful to teach our sons to suppress a natural body function to perpetuate a false idea of manhood?

Your worth is tied to what you do. Or who you love. Or what you wear. I want to raise fearless, free humans. I refuse to teach them that they have to curtail their passions, their interests and their life’s work or decisions to a mold of worldly standards. Go to these schools,  get these kinds of jobs, buy all the things so the world can see how manly you are… This thinking creates unhappy drones, living lives of suffering.  When I talk to my grown sons I want to hear light and inspiration in their voices. I want them to be so happy with themselves that they make the world around them a better place. It starts at a young age by encouraging your children to create and play on their own. Actually exposing them to things broader than your own interests or letting them play just for the enjoyment of it creates space for them to discover passions and life interests. The focus on what you memorized or what score you got on a test, just reinforces the warped idea that success is measured by trivialities.

Women are here for your entertainment. Or conquest. Or to serve you. And the only way I can do that is by being a real woman with flaws and honesty. By becoming the highest version of myself,  loving myself and lifting other women up I hope to show my sons that women are humans with equal capabilities, goals and contributions. Connect with a woman, knowing that she is complex and worthy of engagement on intellectual and spiritual planes.

It all makes you gay. Playing with dolls or expressing interest in “girl toys” is not a life changing thing. Dance classes and playing in your mother’s things is not an early indicator of anything. Children learn through engagement and observation. I want my sons to know how to gently care for a baby because one day they may have a family and I want them to be the type of loving father they are growing up with. If they are talented in dancing, fashion design or anything else deemed “feminine”, I am here for it because it doesn’t make you gay!   And get ready to clutch your pearls… you dont control who your children will be when they grow up. You do contribute to how they will navigate life. Will they be able to trust you enough to come to you? Will they feel loved and supported instead of tolerated should they live and love differently than you?  File this under “things you should know about me”: being homophobic is the quickest way to ensure your exposure to my children will be cut. I won’t do it. I don’t know who they will love and for the sake of all possibilities I am not going to let you poison their thinking against others based on foolishness.

We are all multifaceted. We are all having very human experiences. I want my sons to know they are more than earnings, sexual conquests and dumbed down emotions and experiences. It’s disgusting that for some it’s going to seem weird or strange. As a fearless and free mama, I am willing to take the risk in the spirit of nurturing whole individuals with a life that exudes love, truth and joy.

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