Your pain can spread like wildfire. Like, you are constantly spreading it, whether you acknowledge it or not. Each of us, in our very human experiences are presented with different sources of pain. We think though that our pain is singular, personal and unique. The reality is that while there are different sources, the heartache, the despair, the suffering are all quite the same. It leaves us paralyzed or angry, we each know how it feels to cry endlessly and to lose sleep. We are familiar with the dull ache of repeated disappointment. None of us is the first to be a victim of someone else’s pain. We all have developed coping mechanisms and stuffed it down. And we thought by doing so we were keeping it to ourselves, especially those of us who never complain or ask for help. Hell, Solange just made a while song about the coping, but no matter what, unaddressed suffering will be there. Sometimes we cling so tightly to it being personal, that it will become the singular narrative of our life, the first pain becomes the explanation for all future pain. We start to paint the whole world and every experience with our own pain stained brush. I know. I have lived that. I still have pain and suffering that I am working to navigate. (That’s what these daily posts are about, remember?)…
I could not have planned what today’s post is about. I said organically, right? Well last night I found myself crying because someone I love dearly was crying and it was all really tied to the suffering of another. The third person may not even really understand how their suppressed pain is affecting those who love them most. And honestly, I understand completely. Pain blinds you. It will prevent you from seeing the support and love that surrounds you. It will drive a wedge between the suffering and those that love them.
At times we become so good at hiding our pain that we seem to hide it from ourselves. We become skilled in pretending to be alright. We will use every tool we have (like social media) to paint a picture that makes us look like we are enjoying, even thriving. All the while, the pain is still there, festering. There is unrest that seeps its way into our relationships, into the way we care for ourselves. We become so consumed by it that we give up our power to heal. We believe the lie that an apology, justice or the like will heal us. We find new and varied sources to hold responsible for our continued suffering. The truth is, the apology may never happen. No one may know you are even hurting. The people involved may never acknowledge it. By waiting for it we hand our power over. The responsibility of healing is our own. It is our choice.
The responsibility of healing is heavy and the work is hard. Holding on to the pain almost seems easier. It’s not. I know because for a very long time I let pain fester, ruining relationships and robbing me of peace. I did not think I could move past it. I assumed that suffering was a never ending part of my life. I know now it is not true.
I am writing this for anyone I love or know. I want to assure you that you were not put here to suffer. I want you to know that you are supported and loved. You have choices. You can stop hiding and pretending. There are people waiting to support your healing. Baby steps: You are going to have to decide that you deserve the peace that healing will create.Pin It